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Westminster or Oslo? When it comes to voting, Steven Dean believes there’s no contest! 

I’ve been really excited these last few weeks, ready to make my choice on who to vote for in the upcoming contest. No, not the UK general election, silly. Norway’s Eurovision Song Contest, of course!

Everyone knows Eurovision is all about politics: national, international, East–West diplomacy, human rights – you name it.

But this year’s going to be really tough.

Daniel, Josh, Harel or Milan … how’s a boy to decide?

Boring

General elections, on the other hand, are so boring, and voters so predictable. You know the sort of thing:

• I vote Labour. My father voted Labour, his father and his father’s father.

• I’ve always voted Liberal, always will.

• They’ve been in too long. Time to give the others a go.

• Our family are Tories through and through.

Doesn’t matter what happens. Doesn’t matter how many scandals there are, how many times an MP is caught fiddling expenses. Doesn’t make any difference when, time and again, political parties and governments of all colours fail us … We still go on voting for the bastards!

Weeping Angels

Don’t get me wrong; I’m no angel, but it could make me weep. “Whatever you do, don’t think!” As with those Weeping Angels in Doctor Who, it’s when you’re not looking that the monsters do their worst.

Mr Matt Smith or Dr Matt Smith – I’d vote for them both!

Daniel says that everyone should pass a test before being allowed to vote. Apparently, I’d fail because I’m incapable of weighing up the issues.

Nonsense! I’m all for issues, me … just a bit particular about who’s issuing them!

And I’m a big fan of gay rights. Specifically, my right to gay men. 

Not that I’m a bigot. I’ll vote for anyone, gay or straight. However, why would I vote for someone I wouldn’t shag.

Obviously, that does limit candidates a bit, and rules out virtually every party leader, with the possible exception of Nick Clegg, of course.

It has to be said that there’s plenty of eye candy among Labour and Lib Dem candidates this year, but it’s a real struggle to find a dishy Tory. It’s a pity we can’t vote for some of their supporters!

On balance, it’s probably best to give Westminster a miss and save your energy for Oslo!